Waiting for Magic

     Suddenly, I can see why.  I can see why boys like you make strange fashion choices.  Your ankle watch makes no sense while standing, but once I caught a glimpse of you it all came together.  Your legs pinned to your ears...Your ass opening idly...waiting for the magic to happen.  Disappointing.
     Watching you freeze into a solo missionary melted my erection limp.  Your knees glued to your chest turned me off...Your eyelids stuck shut in expectation sickened me.  What am I to do with a lifeless sex doll?  What am I to do with that growing list of locations you want me to touch?  What am I to do with that winking brown eye I am steadily losing interest in?  Experiment.
     Suddenly, I can see why.  I can see why life has been having its way with you.  On your feet, you are just as passive.  Waiting for magic to happen.  The world pokes at that winking eye and walks away.  Life spills its seed onto your infertile mind and body.  Disappointing.

Cole Mohr by Armin Morbach

Hang-Up #3: Ill-written Ads

      I recently had a discussion with the illustrious Toddy English about hooking up on the internet.  Boasting about the great luck we've been having, we began to break down the deciding factors involved when selecting a candidate.  On-line, the pictures always reek of anonymity.  There's hundreds of abbreviations and acronyms, of which I barely understand.  Other than the stats, freaky-beautiful-endowed, what inspires us to click the 'reply' button?
     The very top of our list is being a good writer; a personally written paragraph is the perfect place to paint a portrait.  Not necessarily the vocabulary.  Primarily, I look for well-organized thoughts.  Intense, in-depth descriptions help.  ALSO, I AM INSTANTLY TURNED OFF BY ADS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS LIKE THIS.  If I've clicked on your profile or ad, there's no need to get my attention because you already have it. 
     My school of thought: If you can't order your words, how can I trust your mouth with this precious cargo?  If its hard for you to get your intentions across, how much harder would it be to make good on your misspelled promises?  If you can't take the time to clearly write one paragraph, what else are you going to rush through?  If I answer your ad, what would that tell you about me for responding?

Here's an honest-to-God, unabridged Craig's List Ad:

HARD THICK 9 READY TO PLZ YOUR AZZ AND THOAT

IF U ARE SMOOTH AND BT LET ME KNOW SEND ME U INF AND PIC AND I WILL DRIVE TO U NO PIC NO RESPONT

    

Hang Up #2: Homogeneity

     Talking to a friend of mine, also a fellow blogger, we began to discuss the preferences and perspectives of our work.  Being writers, we often have to take our audience into consideration.  On the issue of race, it came up how I never hook up with black men.  While feeling that I am making myself equally available, my friend had a different take. 

     Wording his next statement carefully, "I think most black people perceive you to be...too white acting.  You might be black on the outside with a dick to match, but, even to me, you can come off...umm...'white boyish'."

     In a rare moment, I was shocked, "Are you serious?"

     He elaborates, "Well, you're up there in San Francisco, with those white men...It's understandable."

     If an African-American man doesn't act in the typically black fashion; does that make him white or something else?  I believe there are far more than two influences to draw from.  Between black and white, there is a great deal of gray matter.  I long to be what never was.  I'm beyond being Anglophobic or a (sub)urbanite...I'm xenocentric.

It's a shame there are still conversations like this in 2010.

     For the record: I am the first of my kind.  I come from a culture so freshly spawned there hasn't been a name created yet.  When a label's created, I will have it tattooed to my ass.  Musical assignments and dress codes are TBD.  I may sound a bit haughty, but shouldn't this be true for every individual?  Shouldn't each person design their own identity?

It's sickening that everyone wants to be so homogenized.

Black freedom isn't as oxymoronic as it sounds...

     

The above art is from the collection of artist Francoise Nielly

The eyes are a beautiful reflection of life

Her broad strokes of neon over black features

It speaks to me for obvious reasons :

Click here to view her gallery

Hang-Up #1: Humiliation

     As much as I hate them; everyone has hang-ups, myself included. Some things will forever lie beyond the scope of my freak. There are certain acts that I could never allow in my bedroom. Beyond the normal stuff that nearly everyone finds repulsive (i.e. bestiality, pedophilia, scat, ect.), I have a handful of hang-ups that will wilt my summer sausage into a Vienna link. Number one on that list is: humiliation play. A lot of people love to be put down, but that is where I draw the line. I cannot be the source or the recipient of humiliation.
     It isn’t the act itself that’s humiliating but the spirit behind it. For example, I wouldn’t mind wearing a pair of little pink panties; alternatively, I would hate it if my partner started blurting, “You like that, pussy-ass faggot? Take that, bitch! Give me those fucking panties!” Whatever sexy, delicate feelings I may have had are instantly dissolved into a note of inferiority.
     This hang up with humiliation is the sole reason why I’ve never gotten in the BDSM community. It seems that submission and degradation goes hand and hand. Don’t get me wrong, I find great arousal at the thought of being bound at the mercy of a master; pain and pleasure makes a powerful combo. But, I would hate to trust someone enough to bind me only to have him/her slap me, spit on me and make me feel substandard. Every aspect of BDSM could be just as stimulating, if not more so, if the humiliation was replaced with praise. Ranking high on my list of fantasies are scenes that combine torture with worship.
     A major turn-on for me is the sanctity of sex; I believe that we are all Temples of God and reverence is in order. Whether the stimulus is pleasure, pain or denial, for me to enjoy it, it has to be administered in the context of value. Humiliation play is in direct opposition to my core beliefs. Some people may like to be called sluts, bitches and fags; but if you must refer to me, call me something in a respectful light. Some prefer to be embarrassed, belittled and scolded, but I cannot accept anything less than being exalted.