I have a big, throbbing hard-on for John Mayer. I have all of his albums. I know all of his songs. I hang on his every word. I love him because he pulls off a rare triad: Goofy-Douche-Sexy. So imagine my excitement when I saw this month's issue of Rolling Stone with my crush topless on the cover.
Reading the article, I came across a quote from him that turned me on a little bit. Could it be that my guitar god is also an intelsexual? My admiration may have elevated to terror-alert-level "orange"!
A brain bath? I never thought of it that way! There is a refractory period that occurs after a sexual climax. In that period, everything becomes pure logic. It makes perfect sense to rub one out before signing contracts, making business deals or accepting that marriage proposal. With sex out of the equation, its much easier to focus on the facts."I am the new generation of masturbator""Does this new generation of masturbator masturbate everyday?""I don't like that question, because it seeks to make me sound strange if I say 'yes', but of course I do. I mean, I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn't pick up because I'm masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest time so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don't jerk off because I'm horny...I do it because I want to take a brain bath."
I think I'll conduct an experiment. I'm going to masturbate right before going to work and see if it benefits my performance. Would I be more organized? How would it affect my people skills? My mathematic ability? If I took a little "brain bath" before work, would I still be interested in working? Let's see.