A few times, my runs were punctuated by a hook-up. Anonymous cocksuckers found on Craig's List, whom wanted nothing more than a hot load. No Strings Attached. No Reciprocity. No Names. Before the pills, I indulged and appreciated oral service. Laying back, I used to meditate on the pleasure. But these days? I want my head while standing over them. My fingers digging into their skulls, pressing their thirsty mouths downward until they choked.
I am different these days.
My girlfriend recognized this difference. More frigid. More aggressive. More cum. Much more cum. Sex on M-Drive, made her feel like I was trying to kill her with my cock. She felt like I was trying to gnaw the meat off her bones. She loved it. She hated it. She contemplated breaking up. Naturally, I am more fluid; not so dominating. Naturally, I am more like a squishy octopus than a strong bull. In spite of multi-orgasmic nights, she missed me.
I found myself jogging at 3 am; I couldn't sleep. Taking all the short cuts, nothing was quick enough. I was an insatiable, bottomless pit. Wanting revenge. Wanting success. Wanting something wet, warm and screaming wrapped around my dick. But, after receiving all of the above, it proved to be dissatisfying.
The month I spent with higher levels of testosterone was an adventure. I was focused and motivated, but maybe too much so. Ultimately, I felt almighty and powerless because I couldn't dominate the world the way I wanted to. It was an agonizing, but sexy experience.
After my thirty-day supply ran dry,
I was glad to return to my natural balance.
(But, I do miss the big loads!)