Fire Breath

Intermingled in our accounts to beauty, erotica and politics, I often catch whiffs of shame and inadequacies.  From one side of our mouths, we profess acceptance, meanwhile, our left hands covers our privates in modesty.  A 'survivor' of sexual abuse, I found it crucial to become unashamed of sex, unapologetic of my nudity and downright frank about all of the places the sun don't shine.  There is healing in the light.  Wholeness is found in the open.  It all started with the sun shining between my legs...

     Cupping my hand on my forehead, I cast a much needed shade over my eyes.  For some reason, we thought it was a good idea to do this beneath the scorching sun.  On his rooftop terrace, I swipe some of the sweat off my naked torso.  His face comes up for air from between my legs to say, "Hot enough for ya?"  Quickly patting my asshole with the flat of his tongue, he uses his hands to spread me out further, "This is just a warm up, don't forget what we're hear to do."
     Warm up?  I'm laying here burning up (and not with passion), I've passed warm when I got out of my car.  Reading my mind, his tenor resonates from inside me, "Stop thinking," after a loud popping noise he says clearer, "You're supposed to be mediating."
     Half moaning, half bitching, I exhale, "You're right...thank you."  I am here to get some internal work done.  For once, the sexual contact is secondary in purpose.  Focusing on my breathing, I close my eyes and visualize my body filling with sexual energy.  As he slowly laps his tongue, I deeply inhale through my nostrils.  As his hand makes a fist at the tip of my erection, I exhale completely.  His rhythm is impeccable, his movements are smooth and methodical.  My mind is distracted.
      My toes are probably getting sun burned as his strong hands runs across my slippery hamstrings.  Somewhere during my meditation, my bottom half became my top end as his arms wrap around my waist.  Between tongues lashes, he reminds me, "Focus on your breathing."  Pulling my body on top of his, his erection slips along my lower back as he drags my ass closer towards his face.
     "Now that you're warm enough, we're going to get into the fire breath.  Remember to squeeze my fingers on the inhale and release on the exhale."  The sweat make it easier for him to plunge his ring and middle finger inside of me, "Repeat after me: I am whole..."
     "I am whole..."
     "I am perfect..."
     "I am perfect..."
     "I am complete..."
     "I am complete..."
     Coaching me, "Inhale and squeeze: I am whole..."
     "I am whole..."
     "Hold in the energy, continue to squeeze: I am perfect..."
     "I am perfect..."
     "Exhale and release: I am complete..."
     Audibly exhaling and moaning, something happens, "I am..."  At this moment of intense honesty, I couldn't complete this mantra, I attempt again, "I am..."
     Chiming in while pressing his fingers upward inside of me, "You are complete, Robert"
     "I am complete," a single drop of sweat rolls from my eyes, real men don't cry.
     His tone is very relaxed, "Everything you need is within you right now, Robert.  You are lacking nothing," he's ministering to me as I fight for dear life to keep squeezing and breathing.  "Here you are, naked and exposed before God: a perfect creation." 
     Swirling his hand up and down my dick, "Everything you feel you are missing is actually deep inside waiting to be awakened.  You were created whole."  His erection swells from beneath me, "At this moment, imagine yourself reaching inside of yourself, what would you withdraw? Money? Jewels? Or is there something poisonous inside of you, you'd like to remove? Visualize within yourself, remember to breath."
     Under the bright, hot sun, my consciousness turned black as I visualized myself digging into my own abdomen and retrieving blood soaked diamonds, emeralds and rubies.  Items I wanted to purchase filled my mind as gold and platinum filled my fist.  Reaching in to remove certain memories, painful memories, that has haunted me for so long, I realized that I couldn't...I wouldn't.  Without those thorns in my side, my posture wouldn't be my signature.  Without the venom coursing through my veins, I wouldn't be immune.  Those curses are indeed blessings.
      "Ohhh!" I awakened myself with load moans, "Oh! Oh!"  As I open my eyes, I see my chest and belly coated in pearls.  He smiles at me with some of my wealth dripping from his cheek.  I am trembling.  I am exhausted.  What did I give birth to? 
     Laughing, he asks, "May I have my fingers back?"


.::STELLA*DELLA::. said...


Forbidden Light said...

Thanks *Della! Our conversations got me inspired to tell a little more about my experiences that resulted in the blurring of my spirituality and sexuality.

God is soo good! Sometimes it feels like he customizes the world to fit my crooked soul...

ToddyEnglish said...

Oh my goodness...

Uhm, I have to read this one again! lol



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