Choose Your Porn Wisely...

From a very young age, porn and I has been best friends.  From my first glance at Hustler magazine, I have been hooked on viewing other people’s private moments for pleasure.  Before the age of the internet and DVDs, I was collecting magazines, pornographic advertisements and VCR cassettes.  By twelve, I had the scrapbook to die for! 

            Pornography has fueled many of my fantasies and obsessions.  By regularly viewing it, my mind began to push the envelope of my own sexuality.  I went from collecting calendar girls and centerfolds to dirty books of couples getting down.  Before I knew it, I began to be more and more interested in the male performers and I wanted to see more of them.  Now look at me!

            There was a darker period in my life, during college, where I felt the downside to porn.  I began to obsess with the beautiful men on the internet, collecting every frame of each model’s portfolios and categorized them by race and geography.  Men from Brazil, The Middle East and Asia were the center of my dreams; I would have many fantasies starring my favorite porn stars.  I would masturbate to thoughts of these ‘exotic’ men, but I didn’t want to ruin my stroke by seeing myself in the mix of things.  I had no place in my own fantasy world.

            Looking in the mirror became more and more difficult.  “If only I had lighter skin, it’ll catch the light better.  If only I have straighter hair, I’d pass for something more exotic than ‘just black’.”  I was using bleaching creams and texturizers trying to emulate my forbidden idols.  My hair was fried.  My skin was breaking out.  My body’s response to my self-destructive ways was a bad confirmation of how ugly I felt.  Thus, I would dig myself even deeper into the world of gods fucking gods.

            Thank God for clarity.  A light bulb went off above my head as I thought “Where are the black models?”  I collected a great deal of Enrique Cruz’ work, but it featured mainly Latino men.  If there were black men involved, they were mainly thugged-out top men that worshipped the Latino pretty boys.  But, I noticed that I’ve never seen the praise reciprocated.  The light skinned men were the recipients of toe sucking and thorough rim jobs, just to lay back and be plowed like pillow princesses.  The black men got a little head before fucking for the gold medal.

            The dark skinned men almost always perpetuated this gangsta persona.  The brothas were reduced to shit-talking, bandana-wearing cock slingers, “Yeah, take that dick…Yeah.”  Not that there’s anything wrong with wearing your blue blockers and Timberlands in bed, I just failed to find any other incarnation of the black man.  I failed to see black men in intelligence.  I failed to see black men in elegance.  I failed to see black men parting with their platinum jewelry and tube socks!  I couldn’t relate to what was happening.

            Thankfully, a lot have changed nowadays.  With pornography being much more available, there are many wonderful choices to choose from.  The purpose of this article is to urge my brothers and sisters to watch your pornography consciously.  Find those actors that somewhat bear your image and get off to the sight of yourself being pleasured, praised and lusted after.  It’s very important you find yourself within the scope of beauty and demand.  Sites like ‘Papithugz’, ‘Black on Boys’ and ‘Dawgtaggaz’ has done wonders for my self esteem.  Seeing ‘regular’ black men being the center of attention and affection reunites me with the truth that there is a place for me and my kind.