Women are admitting to being visually stimulated
Men are becoming more vain
Gay culture is becoming more mainstream
Because all of the above is happening at the same time.
Men have become sex objects!
Everywhere I look, my eyes indulge in six pack abs...bulging biceps...perfectly trimmed stubble...sexy scowls...boyish beauties...suggestive lumps...alpha-grade masculinity at it's most polished. Men are becoming objectified to the point where athletic, firm asses are selling watches. Well defined quadriceps are marketing tools for sunglasses. Rock hard pecs are putting big breast out of business.
The downside: I've never been so self-conscious. I am caring about things I normally wouldn't give two fucks about. Do I have a normal or oily complexion? How can I add more sheen to my hair? What's a reasonable price for a partial Brazilian wax? For the first time, I'm considering manicures and "shape enhancing" undergarments. Could this be why women hate being objectified? It does make life a bit more complicated.
It's all fun and games...
Old men drooling at the sight of you naked
Cougars begging to drink from your fountain of youth
Getting mangoes & honey eaten off your torso on a weekly basis
...until your metabolism slows down!
I spending my Monday nights chained to a Stairmaster
I've grown accustomed to praise and worship
Free dinners followed by foot rubs
Maybe it's the free sushi that's making me fat in the first place?
It's a vicious cycle!
I can't be a mere admirer. I can't be the average slob jerking off to people who are actually hot. I'll pay for the annual gym membership, the subscription to Men's Health; because I want to hold on to my place in the world. It's the inside that count, alright. That's what the infinite fiber shakes and enemas are for! I have to be black and magnificent on the outside and pink and sweet on the inside; at all times!
The pressure becomes too much sometimes; I miss the days when being gainfully employed bested the biggest dicks on the block. All the muscle in the world couldn't compete with health benefits and a 401k plan.
Too bad I can never go back
My nerve endings will never allow it
I can't even achieve an erection without free drinks and shrimping