The New Ladies: Male Objectification

Women are admitting to being visually stimulated
Men are becoming more vain
Gay culture is becoming more mainstream
Because all of the above is happening at the same time.

Men have become sex objects!

     Everywhere I look, my eyes indulge in six pack abs...bulging biceps...perfectly trimmed scowls...boyish beauties...suggestive lumps...alpha-grade masculinity at it's most polished.  Men are becoming objectified to the point where athletic, firm asses are selling watches.  Well defined quadriceps are marketing tools for sunglasses.  Rock hard pecs are putting big breast out of business.
     The downside: I've never been so self-conscious.  I am caring about things I normally wouldn't give two fucks about.  Do I have a normal or oily complexion?  How can I add more sheen to my hair?  What's a reasonable price for a partial Brazilian wax?  For the first time, I'm considering manicures and "shape enhancing" undergarments.  Could this be why women hate being objectified?  It does make life a bit more complicated. 

It's all fun and games...
Old men drooling at the sight of you naked
Cougars begging to drink from your fountain of youth
Getting mangoes & honey eaten off your torso on a weekly basis
...until your metabolism slows down!

I spending my Monday nights chained to a Stairmaster
I've grown accustomed to praise and worship
Free dinners followed by foot rubs
Maybe it's the free sushi that's making me fat in the first place?
It's a vicious cycle!

     I can't be a mere admirer.  I can't be the average slob jerking off to people who are actually hot.  I'll pay for the annual gym membership, the subscription to Men's Health; because I want to hold on to my place in the world.  It's the inside that count, alright.  That's what the infinite fiber shakes and enemas are for!  I have to be black and magnificent on the outside and pink and sweet on the inside; at all times!
     The pressure becomes too much sometimes; I miss the days when being gainfully employed bested the biggest dicks on the block.  All the muscle in the world couldn't compete with health benefits and a 401k plan.  

Too bad I can never go back
My nerve endings will never allow it
I can't even achieve an erection without free drinks and shrimping


ToddyEnglish said...

I honestly don't get why women complain. Gay men go through so much more. Do you know how much it costs to sustain soft clear skin? It costs a grip.
True, women do need to wear make up. But gay men? Duct tape.

St. Ives Apricot Facial Scrub: $3.65
St. Ives Moisturizer: $4.00
Suave honey dew body wash: $2.00
Cherry Red Lip Balm: $1.00
Breathe Mints: .75 cents
Body lotion: $3.75
Manicures/Pedicures: $25.00
Tooth paste and whitening strips: $7.00
Regular trip to the barbershop: $6.00 at the barber college...If you want a really GOOD cut $15.00!
New Clothes: lots!

Some hot guy asking for your e-mail address/phone number/facebook page?: Priceless! =0)

Cogent Ascending said...

sweety if you are considering shape enhancing garments perhaps its time to do a few bumps of coke in earnest and renew your gym membership.

Forbidden Light said...

@Toddy: I know where you put that cherry lip balm. Hint: it isn't your lips! I can't wait to taste the rainbow...

@Cogent: Good Advice! On your regiment I'll be sexy by summer, or, at least convinced that I am! LOL

Garçon Stupide said...

LOL @ Toddy. From your pictures, you look like you're about 12 years old!!

Seriously though, the increased commercialisation of male sexuality is fascinating to behold - but it's still mostly a media construct that bears little resemblance to reality.

Forbidden Light said...

@Garcon: LMAO! Leave my Toddy Ruxpin alone!

On the serious note, I am feeling the pressure that come with these somewhat unrealistic expectations...The tables have truly turned...Next thing you know, we'll be attending male empowerment seminars!

Toy Couture said...

I love this post! So true So true..Men are indeed the new Sex Pots. How observant of you.

"I am caring about things, I normal wouldn't give two fucks about. Do I have a normal or oily complexion?"


There's indeed a price for beauty and I'm a slave to the propaganda as well. Having your way and being lusted after is addictive. I cringe at the thought that one day it will end as all things eventually do....But until then my friend cheers to being plastic!!

Forbidden Light said...

@Toy: "The New Sexpots" I like...

My fear of that day pushes me to be an old I can have have beautiful, young droids at my beck and call...I'd die without my weekly rim/foot jobs!



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