Between Lust & Envy: God Damned Athletes!!!!

No one inspires more blasphemy
No other group fills my heart with more contempt
I can write a thousand 'partialism' posts

I hate athletes!
Every Olympic game reminds me:
All men are NOT created equal!

     For a long time, I have found much comfort in the idea that most athletes were illiterate simpletons.  It's a relieving theory that these gods are actually on steroids, thus having a tiny micro-penis.  And if all disillusions fail, I can assume that they are big assholes who are terrible, bad people: wife beaters and dog kickers.  Desperately clinging to anything that debunks their superiority, I'm running out of hypotheses
     Scientifically speaking, the genetic package that gives athletes an advantage, also blesses them with symmetrical features and a mesomorphic build.  In other words; they are bred to be super sexy.  Furthermore, the constant training also increases brain function and sexual prowess.  Overall, they are possibly just better people...there is no God...
     Another disappointing truth, being buff and beautiful doesn't guarantee heathen-like behavior.  I've had the pleasure of hanging around some gorgeous Oakland Raiders and they're actually educated, fun, down-to-earth guys.  I was waiting for the arrogance, maybe some violent misogyny; no such luck.  Surprisingly conservative, these guys merely wanted to settle into a nice traditional family life. 
What does that mean for us?

     I believe that our current status, whether superior or inferior, is a composite of our lifestyle and choices leading up to today.  It isn't too late to change your diet.  Gym memberships are cheaper than ever.  Some benefit packages are starting to cover cosmetic surgery.  When you think about at it, we worship athletes because they are a high quality picture of health and discipline.  Hence, we could be like them by embodying those same qualities. 

If we get it together,
We could be in great shape
 Just before they all die of AIDS from fucking hundreds of groupies.

Prayerfully, Magic Johnson's stingy with the cure...

The envy inducing photos are from Rick Day's "Players" collection...
Wanna get rid of that pesky confidence?


Garçon Stupide said...

Fascinating reading, as always.

I've often found myself in awe of athletes, particularly when one sees them being interviewed or doing something other than sport, and they come across as sweet, charming, humble, or even insecure.

The fact that so many professional sportsmen are also so beautiful, in body as well as face, has also often fascinated me.

Not sure about the pictures you've chosen though - but that's just a matter of taste! I have the Dieux du Stade calendar hanging and that really is a portrait of supermen.

For me, though, the solitary struggle of the 100m sprinter is the ultimate vision. Power, grace, beauty, and sheer physical perfection. One man against the world.

ToddyEnglish said...

My very first boyfriend was a basketball player! Oh my god he was the JAM. He even got me into watching NBA hoops (which I still look at to this day for no other reason than to see them menz in their shorts and tank tops).
I recall fondly sitting in the bleachers and watching him and his friends play shirts and skins...::sigh::
I think that's why, to this day, I'm enamored by hoopsters. Moreover, it's probably why my short ass always goes for the tallest guy in the room.
OOh, don't get me started on Kobe Bryant...He can get it seven days a week and ten times on Sunday! Mmmmmhmmmm!

Cogent Ascending said...

Oh you.
For someone so hell bent on being seen as a million things and threatening anyone with violent physical dismembermant who dares to view you as just a gay black guy who thinks too much about sex I find it refreshing and wildly hypocritical, in the most delightful way, that you are every bit as stereotypical as all those intellectual ants you so often argue with me about on the phone.
You didn't really find something as fleeting as beauty to be THAT threatening did you?
Hopefully your time with those athletes will lead to a permanent change of heart and sway you to the much more appropriate worship of beautiful athletic men.


athletes are the embodiement of achievement, which they attain through discipline and perseverance [and occasionally...substances!!]. since i am devoided of any discipline, i shall remain my humble self, which has served me quite well,
and i'll focus on other virtues i do possess.

for me, it's football. the strategy, the uniforms, the colliding bodies. makes me feel hot under the collar...amongst other places!!

Forbidden Light said...

@Cogent: Even super-intellectuals like myself can find themselves weak in the knees in the presence of beauty and strength...

I'm coming to terms with my own defense mechanisms that a require me to depreciate beauty at every turn. It's a great coping mechanism! Hahahaha

Thanks for the insult/praise sandwiches...They're flavored with love, I'm sure...

Forbidden Light said...

@Garcon: I have a thing for big, hairy hamstrings! Day's "Players" photoset is a bit more rugged than the polished Dieux du Stade.

Dieux du Stade is one of my favorite sets, however! You may catch a few photos from that collection on one of my upcoming posts...

Cogent Ascending said...

Bitch you know they are!
Everything I say has been sprinkled with a generous helping of love squirts all over the top.
And the sides.
And sometimes on the under carriage.
Depends on my mood.

Forbidden Light said...

@Cogent: Hmmm, "Generous helping of love squirts," I may need a tangy zip from you one day...



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