A Letter from "Fashionably Concerned"

Dear Vogue Men,
I've been a long time subscriber and while I love your pictorials and articles I can't help but notice you've lost your way. Sure, we all want to be fashionable and with the times, but how does the clothing you promote shield us from the elements?  Scarves and jackets are supposed to keep us warm.  Swimwear and summer attire should be designed to protect us from harmful UV rays; I understand if you want to wear less to allow your body to breathe, but thongs?
The creative staff should feature more clothing and accessories that actually serve a purpose.  For example, the current line of Movado watches are so elaborate, I can't tell what time it is! I nearly killed myself while playing basketball in the Dolce & Gabana gym shoes presented by your magazine; the shoes didn't last a day on the court!
I fear that I may not renew my subscription because you guys are more focused on "high fashion" and being impressive than informing your readers on the latest ways to protect our bodies from the hazardous aspects of the environment.
Signed...Fashionably Concerned
 How would you respond to that?

     As retarded as "Fashionably Concerned" sounds, I hear the same sentiment when it comes to sex.  Just as clothing has NOTHING to do with clothing oneself, sex has absolutely little to do with procreation or "getting off". I would think that this wouldn't be a hard concept to grasp...but you'd be amazed.  
     People think that men and women put themselves in risky positions, develop odd fetishes and add "wear & tear" to their bodies just for an orgasm.  Although, the orgasm is a beautiful bonus, is it so hard to see that there is so much more involved?  

Wouldn't we just pay prostitutes instead of maxing out our cards out at the mall?

     Case and point: I have a toy chest full of masturbatory technology, lubrication that'll turn sandpaper into silk and an imagination that would put a thousand porn studios out of business.  If sex was just about getting off, I would live happily ever after with my Beyonce hand puppet.  But there are a nexus of needs that would go unmet.  Without getting too deep into human connection, reinforcement and stimulation; I would like to submit that sex is more than just pleasure, its another medium in which we express and confirm our identities.  Much like clothing.

Can't we just acknowledge ourselves as
Extravagant, under-stimulated human beings?

Our dining has little to do with sustenance
Our exercises has little to with illness prevention
Everything we do has nothing to do with its intended purpose
Sex Included
I wouldn't have it any other way!

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