Praise of a Darker Shade


How do you thank God for being molested?
Would my psalm prove sicker than sweet
if I praise Him for that turning point?
He have delivered me into the hands of monster after monster
with a divine purpose in mind
Why else would He align the shade and shadows so perfectly?


How do you thank God for innocence purer than the dirty floor?
Blessed with the event of standing up dusty yet remaining pristine
Blessed with eight-year-old jaws
strong enough to swallow the dark truth of the world
Blessed with the gift of interpreting the truth out of perversity
Discovering the humanity is wickedness


I am truly thankful because I wouldn’t be me without it
I wouldn’t have the strength I now possess had it never been tested
I wouldn’t be so flexible had I’ve never been bent
I thank God for the shade and shadows,
for it gave me a chance to see my light shine forth


How do you thank God for being molested?
Simply by praising Him for the monsters’ company
and the power to not become one
Simply by praising Him for the severance yet walking away whole
Simply by praising Him for the man I am today
Not broken, but indestructible
Not a victim, but a leader
Not dark, but brilliant


Amen

11 comments:

TICKLEBEAR said...

good for you if you truly came out that way from that experience. as for myself, while it did indeed shape to some degrees, like the other experiences i've had in life, i feel instead tarnished, violated. i find no forgiveness for the one that abused me for years, nor do i find this to be a divine gift. a man touched me, not god...
but this is well written, engaging. i just don't feel the same about it. i still curse the one, awaiting to see him on his deathbed so i can finally breath freely.

Forbidden Light said...

I feel you.

One day, I compared who I was and who I think I would've been if this had never happened...I prefered who I am currently.

Not that I am thankful for the experience itself, but at some point you have to respect the good and the bad things that made you who you are.

ToddyEnglish said...

I think this is a wonderful step towards healing. Thank you for sharing.
::Hugs::

Forbidden Light said...

Its more a declaration for me...I felt the need to outwardly express the truth I've felt along. This really helped me to piece my thoughts together...Whenever I forget, I'll revisit this piece...

Cogent Ascending said...

I can't lie I found this to be immediatley distasteful as I can't seem to merge the two distinct concepts of molestation and gratitude in my brain.
Perhaps because I've never truly experienced either.
If however it helped in the healing process then bravo mate.
It is probably one of the bravest posts I've found so far on this blog site and considering the competition that's certainly a rarity.

TICKLEBEAR said...

@ gogent ascending:
"one of the bravest posts"??????
THE bravest ever!!
i can vouch for that!!!
i admire how he voiced it.
i do not have this point of view.
i still curse the one that abused me for years back in the '70s, & whom i have to take care of now...
cruel twist of destiny.
having to preserve a life you wish to see gone...
our host has a perspective on the issue which i lack...
:(~

TICKLEBEAR said...

true,
it shaped who i am now,
but it is a process i wish i could have gone without.
so much venom,
i could kill...
and given my current circumstances,
i could... but i won't.
compassion?
pity???
or that's what being abused by a your father does to you?
for years....
you did not disclosed if it were closed relatives, or strangers, or what?...
(no need. you've said more already than i would expect...)
pity you don't read french as i have a blog just for that kind of pain....
:(~
BUT_A_BIG_HUG_2_U

Forbidden Light said...

@Mr. Bear: That's HEAVY! I couldn't imagine being in your position...Definitely compassionate...Definitely God-like...

I am amazed by you.

TICKLEBEAR said...

please, being an atheist,
i derive no pleasure being compared to anything godly,
but yes,
it is a challenge...
one i have to embrace daily...
the social worker wants to speak to me now....
i would so tell her to go F%&?K herself...
i thought THAT isue was dealt with...

solelicker said...

from what i have experienced in my life, i can honestly say that there is no god.

what happened to my sister and i at a very early age made me very bitter and destroyed many relations that could have been fruitful.

only years of therapy and anti depressants and very understanding friends have made my life tolerable.
i will feel much better when my molester is dead and rotting in the ground, but the fact that he is an alcoholic, drug addicted two time convicted felon with no chance of ever having a job or a life out side of his hell makes me feel good.

God?

fuck him.

TICKLEBEAR said...

@ SOLELICKER:
i've done the pills, i've done the therapy. forgiveness was not to be found. i am considering changing my name so i don't die bearing the name of my abuser... i hope i have time to live with a new name as my stomach turns everytime i write that name on forms, even if i haven't sign it per se for decades now.. i'm just waiting for him to FINALLY croak to start the procedures.

good luck to you.
HUGZ

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