What Do You Get When You Cross Envy & Lust?

     Overall, I am truly pleased with myself; I do consider myself to blessed in the looks and personality department. In spite of my own approval, I can't help but examine the features I could use some improvement on. Staring at myself in the mirror; my legs could be thicker, my afro could be bigger, my waist could be smaller...yadda, yadda, yadda, the list goes on. I definitely have a wishlist of attributes that I long to accomplish. These are the first things I start working on as soon as I enter the gym.
     Walking along the harbor today, I caught a beautiful glimpse of a terrible revelation. In one eyeful, I realized that I am, and has always been, attracted to men that had the qualities from my wishlist. I saw a tall, golden gentleman with beefy, muscular calves and strong thighs and hamstrings. As he jogged past me, his big curly afro waved in the wind. I couldn't keep my neck from turning with him as his gorgeous body blessed my sight. He was everything I wanted and everything I wanted to be. In that instant, I realized that there was a connecting point between lust and envy for me. I was mad at God and praised Him simultaneously. My stomach tied into a knot as an erection unraveled and stood straight up. Goddamn.
     Is that why opposites attract? Because the grass is always greener, thus, we date who we wish to be? That may be the case for me. With men, on some instinctive level, I assume I'll become more like them if I hang around them. Maybe I'll be more like them if I touch enough of them, worship enough of them, ingest enough of them. I have discovered that I am seeking another brand of procreation.
     Analyzing my attraction to women, I saw the same thing. However, I am attracted to women who have the features I would want to pass on to my children. Paying attention to my thought patterns, I saw that I was calculating the combination of our features.

Does: My Chicken Legs + Her Cankles = Muscular Calves for my son?

Does: My Crooked Teeth + Her Pretty Smile = Straight Teeth for my daughter?

     I know that envy and hate typically goes hand and hand, but maybe I have my wires crossed. Does anyone else feel this way?



for the number of men i've come across in my lifetime, i don't know if i covet what they have, but rather find comfort in similitudes.
i've had all types, color, creed, size, etc... but i do have preferences, & these would describe myself, to some degrees... it may sound a bit vain, but despite a few things i should want to improve, for my own well-being, i do like myself,

.::RoCkii*BoXxE::. said...

Honey if you feel you would like to be a bit bigger or something..then you just work on yours..you see you cant hate on him and be envious when you dont know what he went through to get it. see, he was jogging so you never know if that man used to be 400lbs or not...You see youve got to look at people in a different way and you will not feel that way. Think like u dont know what they went through to get what they have or how they look.

you just get in the gym and be the best body yours will allow it self to be and you leave it at that. We all have those moments but you grow out of it .....you realize you are you and they are them...ive learned that not all muscular men like being muscular and having a big build by nature. Some of them wish they were a lot more slender.

Forbidden Light said...

@Ticklebear: Your favorite sex toy is the mirror, huh? That would be hot to be with someone with similarities. You may have given me an idea!

@*Della: I think that's why I want to be with people that inspires envy. I want to be a part of what they're doing to get the results I want. I think that's why i have a lot of "workout buddy" fantasies!


not much into mirror, per se, but rather into the mirror effect, not just for the physical aspect but also the values & other character traits. i'm not really of a competitive nature, but i'm willing to share.

Forbidden Light said...

I got it! I've been thinking of a word that would summarize how I felt. It's very simple, but when sexuality enters the equation it becomes complicated...

What do you get when you cross Envy & Lust: Admiration!


admiration, perhaps, if your envy doesn't take over...



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